Wisdom & Perspective

So December has been an interesting month for me and the family.

Here's the nitty gritty for those who want to know; I am not blessed with wit and storytelling talents so bear with me...

Sunday I started feeling really sick, like flu sick. Summer was also getting sick so I thought we had the same thing. I slept all afternoon after church and still felt yucky. I was also getting a migraine (nasty things). Tom gave me a long massage and a blessing (SO grateful for those!) During the night I got up with Zoey and could hardly move, pain in my abdomen, pounding migraine, and fever. Summer threw up and slept in our room the rest of the night.

Monday morning got up and things were worse! Summer also had a fever and was really sick. So logically I thought we both had the same thing. It felt like food poisoning and bad flu! I couldn't stand up straight the pain and cramping was so bad. The day goes on, Summer and I lay on my bed ALL day, intermittently I clean up her puke while trying not to myself! Tom came home a little early to take care of us. My fever kept getting higher and my cramping worse.

I finally thought maybe this is an infection from the miscarriage...I called my mom and sister Emma (the family Doc) and they both told me to go to the ER. I resisted still because I didn't want to pay the ER bill. My parents came over to take care of the kids while Tom took me to the ER. We were thinking maybe I need a D&C, worst case scenario. Doc comes in and starts pressing on my tummy and each time I grab her arm to stop her! I kept apologizing, it was like a reflex! "Don't touch me there!" is what I wanted to say, but instead I kept grabbing her hand. I was doing a lot of apologizing, and that's when they gave me morphine...haha. I also had to apologize for not having glitter toes and my legs waxed!

I had a CT scan, with the awful contrast IV that makes your body feel on fire, Tom got to see all my insides! They said I had to be admitted to the hospital, that I had appendicitis or this other thing called diverticulitis and may have to have surgery! WHAT!? Oh my favorite part was when they told me this "diverticulitis" was something they see in people over 60. Nice! So they ruled out appendicitis. I spent time Google-ing info about DT (I don't want to spell diverticulitis out anymore) and won't describe it all here, you can google it if you want, basically it's a weak part of your colon that pops out and gets infected, it can rupture the colon. They treat it with antibiotics (and surgery if the antibiotics don't work.) I really didn't want to have part of my colon removed.

I got morphine for the first time in my life, that was nice. I compare the pain I felt to labor. It was bad, bad, bad. Morphine is good. :) Tom stayed with me until I was all settled in my hospital bed, around 1:30am. My parents were so good to be with our kids. The kids did FHE with them, Savannah did the lesson, they played Who, What, Where Jr (GREAT game!), and had ice-cream. We really have sweet kids.

The waiting game started to see if the antibiotics would work or if I would have surgery. I was also on a clear liquid diet, which was fine with me because I didn't want to eat anyway, I still don't! Luckily my fever went down, my pain went down, things were looking good.

I had nice visits from friends and neighbors, I may even get my book read in time for book club! Laughing hurt my tummy but was good for my soul. Tom brought the kids to see me Tuesday night. I missed them so much! Zoey loved my IV tubes! It's sad that kids think if you're in the hospital it means you could die, they kept asking me and Tom if I would die. Poor things.

GREAT blessing, I got to come home on Wednesday. No surgery! Yay! I'm on antibiotics for 10 days and I have to eat soft foods and take it easy. I asked how I was going to get my Christmas shopping done (because I have done ZERO!) and the Doc said, "That's what wheelchairs and motorized carts are for." Great! :)

More good news, I have to eat a low fat, high fiber diet from now on....ummmm, come again?... Funny how it takes a life changing event to kick my butt in gear. But there is NO WAY I want to go through this again! That's my motivation, to live, and not have a colostomy bag! It will be good for our whole family. It will be good. I have to keep telling myself that.

Something else to think about, the Docs said it would NOT have been good for me to have been pregnant. It is dangerous for the mom and the baby to have DT during pregnancy, they can't treat it the same.

I just feel looked after!!!! All things in wisdom and order. Keeping things in perspective.

Thanks to everyone for your prayers and support!

I'm also thankful for wonderful doctors, nurses, and staff at the hospital! I got to see a cute therapy dog too!

And thankful to be home for Christmas!


Empty & Personal

I'm empty.

I was expecting our 6th child.

I lost the baby last night.

I was almost done with the first trimester.

I'm devastated.

I know I have 5 wonderful, beautiful, fun, sweet children, but I loved and wanted THIS one.

I loved from the moment I found out. I planned. I pictured the baby in our family, how Zoey would only be 15 months when the baby was born. We had names picked out. We were looking forward to June.

I'm not exactly a spring chicken. If we're going to have another baby I can't wait too long. I'm worried about this happening again, but I shouldn't think about it now.

People say you shouldn't tell when you're expecting, we were waiting for a while, but now it feels silly. I wouldn't keep this loss to myself, I want my family and close friends to know.

I feel like there is an empty place in my heart. I am heartbroken.

But as always in my life, God is in charge and I will let Him take over. He knows me, He knows my family, He knows my pain and my desires. Things will work out.

I hope I have the chance again someday to get the little baby who should be part of our family.



We went to Thanksgiving at The Farnsworths. It was wonderful food and great company! We always love going there! The kids played in the backyard in ALL the snow, they have the best backyard. I only have 2 pictures, I don't know how that happened.

I love Thanksgiving food!


I love how excited the kids get, it just makes me smile!

we got my mom's old tree which is nice but none of the lights work...WHY is it always the lights???

Just so we're clear...

I am out of my mind...

I decided that my school class would donate a tree to Festival of Trees

I LOVE Festival of Trees, it's a good cause, it's beautiful, we take the kids every year.

But I had NO idea how much work went into doing a tree! Buying everything, decorating- you have to wire/glue every item to the tree, getting donations, setting up the tree...

It turned out really cute and now that's it's done I'm glad I did it but not sure I would do it again UNLESS I had a TEAM of people helping me. :)

I picked my FAVORITE theme...

this was on set-up day, I'll post a picture with my class when we go on the field trip there.

Who doesn't LOVE chocolate!?


Hanging out/a fun trip/Late b-days/treats

The kids take my camera more often now and I will find all these random pictures. Zack and Sydney took these monkey stuffed animals and took over 50 pictures posing them all over! These are 2 of my favorites...

the curious monkeys looking over the edge...

and one fell...

just hanging out

Sydney LOVES to do Reflections each year at the school but this year I didn't have the time, energy, or money to get her the things she wanted to make her project! I feel like a very bad mom who dropped the ball. :( But she made do with what she had and this is her 3D art project. The theme is "Together we can" so the title of her project is "Together we can save the camels" (from the dragons!) Haha, that girl makes me laugh so much! She's so weird I love her!

In 5th grade the kids get to go on a overnight trip to a place called Clear Creek WAY up in the mountains. I went with Savannah when she was in 5th grade so when it came Sydney's turn she said I HAD to go with her. Of course I want to go with her, it's a fun bonding time. I took off 2 days of work, Tom held down the fort at home, and Sydney and I went to Clear Creek.

we stayed in the "Pot Gut Hut" such funny names

doing funny camp songs

watching a movie

playing sardines in minus 10 degree weather...I have no words for this activity that I can share out loud...

Me and my girl

Sydney and her friend Ashley

did I mention it was minus degree weather!?

they made "banana boats" - bananas, rolos, starburst, marshmellows...wrap it up and fire it up

Sydney said it was good but I just couldn't try it


And back home to the 43 degree weather which felt WARM to me after freezing at Clear Creek! I missed my baby!

I just adore her

Another story about my lame "motherlyness"...we were going to have a BIG joint party with Savannah, Sydney, and Zack this summer at Jump On It, but Savannah went and broke her foot so we canceled it. Then school started and I lost my mind and all energy. The kids kept asking when we were going to have their parties...well it's already SO late, do we even do something??? Parties take time and money and energy, three things I DO NOT have. :) But we finally let the kids have their parties separately. 3 months AFTER Zack's actual b-day we had the party! Zack took 5 friends to see "MegaMind" and then came back for cake and ice-cream.

Sydney, Liam, Brandon, Sael, Summer, Andrew, Zack (Ethan came too)

Liam and Zack playing with Legos

Sydney decided for her "late b-day party" she wanted to take her best friend in the whole world, Alayna, to Color Me Mine in Provo. Here's cute Alayna,

and cute Sydney


the best place for Sydney and her artistic nature

they both picked out ceramic turtles to paint

For Savannah's "late b-day party" she wanted to just have friends over. So I got the junk food, pizza, soda, cake, a movie, and let the girls have the whole 1st floor of our house. I think they all had a good time!

Funny girls

Yummy chocolate cake

Making caramel apples (I pronounce caramel the RIGHT way "care-a-mel" not the WRONG way "car-mel" haha, Tom and I always "fight" about that.

Pure Yumminess!


Blog Widget by LinkWithin


FEEDJIT Live Traffic Feed