Empty & Personal

I'm empty.

I was expecting our 6th child.

I lost the baby last night.

I was almost done with the first trimester.

I'm devastated.

I know I have 5 wonderful, beautiful, fun, sweet children, but I loved and wanted THIS one.

I loved from the moment I found out. I planned. I pictured the baby in our family, how Zoey would only be 15 months when the baby was born. We had names picked out. We were looking forward to June.

I'm not exactly a spring chicken. If we're going to have another baby I can't wait too long. I'm worried about this happening again, but I shouldn't think about it now.

People say you shouldn't tell when you're expecting, we were waiting for a while, but now it feels silly. I wouldn't keep this loss to myself, I want my family and close friends to know.

I feel like there is an empty place in my heart. I am heartbroken.

But as always in my life, God is in charge and I will let Him take over. He knows me, He knows my family, He knows my pain and my desires. Things will work out.

I hope I have the chance again someday to get the little baby who should be part of our family.




♥