Diary of a wife left behind while her husband was in Iraq

 Three weeks worrying about a loved one in a war torn country is actually a LONG time.  Longest three weeks of my life.

The kids and I dropped Tom off at the airport I thought I was going to throw up and bawl my eyes out but I had to hold it together in front of the kids.  I really thought I was never going to see him again.  It's a terrible thing to go through.  (I can't imagine how Nick and Brooke do it for 9+ months at a time.  Nick is in Bahrain now) I felt more uneasy about him going as a civilian than if he was actual military.

With the 9 hr time difference it was hard to connect at decent times but we got to Skype several times.  I LOVE Skype!!  Tom could do funny things with his computer and the kids thought it was funny, he would make his face turn into animals.

Joani came and stayed with me while Tom was gone.  She was an amazing help!  She did crafts and made yummy treats with the kids, she talked with me in the evenings, it was so comforting to have her here!

This short three week experience has made me appreciate the little things and the big things. 

This country,
the freedoms we have 
of religion,
of safety
of education
the comforts I take for granted, how ridiculously rich we are in general

I don't think twice about driving down the street, sending my kids to school, or going to a public place.  BUT, every single day that Tom was gone I thought of those things. 

I only learned recently that Tom witnessed car bombs while he was in Iraq and a mortar hit their base.  It's good I didn't know these things at the time.  I was already experiencing migraines and insomnia with all my worry.

I keep imagining how I would feel if I lived over there, with my family.  I would never let my kids leave the house, they would be home schooled.  I would be afraid to drive anywhere, I would be afraid ALL the time.  Can you imagine how that would feel?

We would have to practice our faith in private, there are no church buildings or Temples to go to.  Tom met a man who had converted to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, his wife and two sons also joined.  They saved a lot of money and went to be sealed in the South Africa Temple but couldn't afford to take both of their sons.  So they are saving to go again.  It is such a sacrifice, I have a hard time imagining. 

There are so many good people all over the world, it inspires me. 

What an experience this has been for all of us.  Who knew such a short time could affect me so deeply.

The kids prayed everyday while Tom was gone, that he "would be safe and wouldn't die".  Still they pray and say, "thank you that daddy was safe." 

We pray for all our military.  I only had a glimpse of their sacrifice.

Even if something happened to Tom I know that God would take care of us and that we would be with him again.

I am grateful for so many things.  The little things and the big things.

I love all my family,
I love my Heavenly Father
I love America,
I love Utah,
I love my freedom AND safety

Tom delivering his presents

Zoey got a stuffed camel, she loved it

She was shy with her dad at first

Zack got some Iraqi coins

All the kids got a really ornate camel and a Dinar-  Iraqi currency

All the girls got these beautiful scarves

Zoey doesn't let me put anything on her head

Missing out- updated! :)

I know that I complain about having to work full-time, and I need to do so again, but I will end this rant on a positive note I promise!

Some things I feel I have missed out on;

-Being a mom. FIRST and most important I feel like I have missed out on Summer. She has been in daycare since she was almost 3. It was so hard to leave her everyday! It is easier now that she is at the same school as me. But teaching takes a lot out of me- energy, patience, emotional sanity, and just plain time consuming, and my family gets what's left of me...

-Hanging out with friends AND making new friends in my neighborhood. Before I worked full-time I would go out during the day with friends or have people over ALL the time! I am a social creature. I still get some socializing at work but it's not the same. I feel like even though I have lived here for 4 years I don't have any close friends. Plus the friends I have I don't get to see very often.

- Time. It's hard working full time because you only have the weekends to do all the cleaning/shopping/laundry etc.. So instead of spending fun family time on Saturdays it's now a bunch of chores! :(

- Expecting. Being my age, and health, and working has been really hard to be pregnant. If I was home it would be tons easier, and I would get more rest. I am afraid at how these last 10 weeks will be...

-Future. I don't know what the future will be with a new baby and I am nervous about it. I want more than anything to be home with the baby. We are praying hard about what to do.

On the positive side here are the things which have been blessings;

-Constant. In the past 3+ years Tom has had 4 jobs, with periods of unemployment. My job has been a blessing to have the income AND the health benefits! I know that without my job we would not be in our house right now.

- Kids. Being at the same school as my kids has been priceless. I see them more than if I was at home, they come see me at lunch and recess, I get to know their teachers and friends better. I love being at school with them.

- Teaching Special Education. It really is a blessing to me to be around such wonderful kids. I love them so much! I have had the same kids for 3 years. They are amazing. I also love that I get to work with some wonderful women. We have a great time!

-Tom. He reminded me that I forgot to put him on my grateful list. I feel bad!!! There is NO WAY I could work without his help! He gets up every morning and gets the kids ready and makes lunches, he does laundry and dinner and cleans. Sometimes having an OCD husband is really nice!!! And he does even more now that I am expecting. What a blessing to me! He takes good care of me and the kids!

That was therapeutic for me to write all this stuff down. So if you're still reading, wow. I hope those of you who work can empathize with me and those who get to stay home can appreciate what a blessing it is!

Thankful

I copied this from my friend Amy...

Spelling it (gratitude) out;

H- home
A- animals, I have always been an animal freak!
P- peace in life, family, and friends
P- priesthood, has blessed my life many times!
Y- yesterday and the things I learn from it

T- Tommy
H- holidays
A- America, what a blessing to live in a free country!
N- naps when I can sneak one
K- kids
S- service, smiles, songs, special needs kids- love them!
G- grandparents, games
I- infants (haha babies!!! Had to get that in there somewhere!)
V- vacations
I- internet for learning (and blogging)
N- nighttime, I am a night owl
G- Gospel

Simple Pleasures

Today while driving home from school, we (the kids and I), were all singing along to music, one of my favorite things.

A few weeks ago I downloaded the Mamma Mia soundtrack and would listen to it in the car, A LOT, Sydney said, "Mom! I hate Mamma Mia! Why do we have to listen to it all the time?!" I laughed, and Tom was proud of her (he's NOT a fan of musicals).

So today I asked Sydney what she wanted to listen to and she said, "Mamma Mia! I love Mamma Mia!" Ah, that's my girl!!! (Tom is cringing right now as he reads this!)

This made me think of some of my favorite things and simple joys in life and I wanted to make a list. Not in any particular order...just things I heart;

Singing in the car with all my kids!

Music in general, LOVE it!

Crisp fall days with the bright blue sky against the fall colored mountains

Going in the mountains with the family

Going to church

Hearing the primary children sing "If the Savior stood beside me..."

Temples and temple grounds, always beautiful and peaceful

Watching my kids sleep

Hearing my kids pray

New baby smell, well anything to do with babies!

Watching slides with the family

Cuddling with my honey

Sitting down for family dinner and talking about our days

Holiday decorations

Fabric, buying it & sewing something

Watching Tom rough house with the kids, and hearing all the giggling/screaming

Teaching my special needs students (I love them!)

Watching the stars (I never knew how full the sky could be...being from NJ and all)

Hearing from friends, new and old, which is one reason I love blogging

Cows

Listening to my girls play piano

Watching the kids play soccer (even though I am grateful for the break)

When Tom gets home!!!!

Naps (what a joke now...I never get one!)

Scrapbooks

My camera (sob...)

New hair cuts (which I have now but since I don't have a camera you'll have to wait...)

Hugs

Letters and packages from grandparents

Extended family gatherings

Shopping in craft stores (just window shopping for now)

A full fridge and pantry

British chocolate and candy

Comments on my blog

A clean/organized house

De-junking spaces

Reading a good book

Family home evening

Cooking with the kids

Reading Tom's writings

Seeing Tom's art

Getting notes and art from the kids

New shoes/clothes at the beginning of each school year

Christmas Eve

Morning b-day donuts

A lazy morning and all the kids pile into bed with us

Making someone a meal for surprise

Random acts of kindness (I have been the recipient and the one giving, try it, it will make your day, example- in a drive through, pay for the person behind you in line)

I could keep going but I have to put my kids in bed. :) Happy thoughts.

Thoughtful

So this darn Twilight series has me all deep in thought and remembering my own experiences, of high school, of first love, of deep indescribable sorrow of losing someone, funny what can bring those feelings back up to surface...like empathizing with a character in a book. :) I have had 3 experiences in my life like that, accompanied with a lot of grief, I am such a melodramatic sap aren't I? Tom will tell you exactly how many boyfriends I have had... but my heart only broke over 3. First one in high school, how can anyone so young be so sure of how they feel, but I was, completely, even put what my initials would be if we got married in my yearbook quote!!! Then when it ended I sulked/cried for a LONG time, listened to love songs only to cry more (songs like "nothing compares to you" sinead o'connor) and lost a lot of weight, which back then made me look like a skeleton, to the point that made my mother so nervous she actually picked me up effortlessly and said she was making me go to the doctor, ah good times...instead I joined weight watchers with her, I know it sounds weird but it makes you eat, and guess what I gained weight on weight watchers! LOL. It took me a long time to get over my first heartache. The second one was my sophomore year at BYU, it was either get married to my returned missionary or go on a mission, a decision that had me in agony either way. I had always wanted to go on a mission and I cried when I thought about not going, but I also cried about leaving this person I thought I couldn't live without! Things worked out in the end, of course, but not without MUCH heartbreak, losing weight, etc.. It was then that I decided that the person I would marry would have to make me forget about these two heartbreaks. Along comes my Tommy, not without heartbreak though, we broke up 3 times and it nearly killed me, even though I was doing the breaking up. I think he needed a swift kick in the rear! And he got it the third time we were apart, realizing there was no one better than me, for him. I think it's funny that he lets me talk about my past but there is NO WAY he can even mention his! He sees my past as a trophy for him, I know he's weird! :) When we disagree on anything he jokes, "Well don't you wish you married (insert name)?" or "I bet (name) would give you another baby!" I always punch him in the arm when he says stuff like that. (This really sounds like a journal entry and a little personal) Can anyone tell how enthralled I am? Got to get back to reading... Hee Hee